Theatrical agent Filthy Ralph is sharing an 'office' (that is, broom cupboard) with his cleaner. An amateur painter, she attempts to interest him in her latest canvas, but Filthy is contemptuous. The phone rings: highly unusually, it is a booking for his client, has-been 'actor' Richie Rich.

Richie, however, is appearing on BBC family game show 'Oo-er, That Sounds a Bit Rude', hosted by Ivor Whopper. Richie's insufferable behaviour and drives the director, floor manager Julian and his fellow guests to distraction. Eventually the show descends into chaos. He brags about his performance to his minder, Eddie Catflap, in the bar afterwards, but is rewarded with a drink in the face, from the now ex-floor manager. The same thing happens with the drinks he buys for his fellow guests.

Drenched and desperately seeking cash to pay for the drinks, Richie finds himself outside the dressing room of singers the Nolans. Overcome with lust, he enters. He is wearing one of their dresses, covered in lipstick and singing in the shower when they return. The sisters are appalled, and threaten to call the police. Finally, they photograph Richie in his dishevelled state, demanding that he pay £1000 for the negatives, which could destroy his career.

Broke, hungry and desperate to pay off the Nolans, Richie and Eddie contemplate their fate. They are visited by Filthy, flush after selling the charlady's painting for £1000. The penny drops, and Richie and Eddie attempt to murder Filthy for the money. In the ensuing chaos, the wad ends up down the toilet. Meanwhile, Filthy has summoned a homicidal killer to defend himself.

Inspired by Filthy's success, Richie sets Eddie up as an artist, and attempts to sell his work in Hampstead. The work attracts the attention of art promoter P'Farty, who not only buys Eddie's work - including a pool of vomit which had been his lunch - but offers him his own show. The boys treat themselves to an expensive meal, but fall out when Eddie refuses to pay for Richie's food.

Eddie's premiere sees him lauded by the art world. Richie, however, overhears P'Farty discussing with his associate, N'Bend, their bet that he could take a talentless fool and make him a success on the art scene. Confronting them, Richie demands P'Farty's £20,000 winnings to keep quiet. When Filthy's homicidal friend appears, however, Richie is forced to hand over the money to keep his life.