Edition originally transmitted on Channel 4 on 29 January 1993

Stoneybridge. Brucie is getting married, so his long-term partner can divorce him. The stag night does not go well; there is only one can of beer, no video player for the dirty 'vido' and Maigret turns out to be the stripper.

Peter and Jennifer Wells, an affluent couple, discuss adopting an underprivileged child. They go through a list from an agency, but are appalled at the low standard of children available and complain to the agency.

Two surgeons with disturbing grins on their faces perform an operation on a racing bike. Oil is successfully applied and they give a thumbs up to a ladies bike and a kid's tricycle, who ring their bells in approval.

In a dull-looking office, two geeky types talk suggestively in double entendres.

Gwyn, a jittery Welsh man, applies shaving foam as his body twitches uncontrollably. Then he sharpens a razor. As he is just about to start cutting, he turns to the camera and asks the audience if they thought he was daft enough to attempt it.

The Open Golf Championship. Two commentators swap banalities as they discuss the competition. The finalists are Thor, God of Thunder, and a Cyberman. Other players include Quasimodo, Peter Pan and the Wicked Witch of the West, whom the commentators chide for not enjoying her golf enough. The Cyberman wins, which should, as one commentator notes, make up for failing to take over the planet last week.

A socially awkward man sings about being unable to say 'hello' properly.

Denzil returns home from a visit to Doctor Willseeyounow, who has diagnosed him with 'Llandudno Neck'. Denzil has a prescription indicating he must sit down three times a day, or more if necessary. Gwynedd asks if she can get her husband anything. Denzil replies she can get out.

A smug piano player sings a song about how great he is.

A tour guide talks nonsense on a visit to Blenheim Palace.

A rich Southern Belle tries on her wedding dress, but there aren't enough frills for her demanding family. The designer makes a dress made entirely out of frills, covering every part of her body except her face, but still it is not enough.