Series 1, Episode 1: 'Sardine Sandwiches', originally broadcast 27 October 1970,
Written by Jack Rosenthal, directed by Michael Apted

Manchester. Geoffrey and Beryl walk around the shops, each pretending not to see each other. They think to themselves how much better off they are without each other; but both eventually admit to themselves their attraction. Finally, they 'bump into' each other. They chat, and eventually agree to go to the cinema. The toe comes off Geoffrey's shoe.

After Geoffrey walks Beryl home, he asks to come in. Beryl, to his frustration, refuses. They argue. Eventually, Beryl's mum opens the door and invites him in. Geoffrey reluctantly accepts a sardine sandwich, but struggles to make conversation. Eventually, Mrs Battersby goes to bed, leaving Geoffrey and Beryl alone. Geoffrey tries to create some atmosphere by turning off the lights, but Beryl turns them back on again. His attempt to seduce her into sex is rebuffed. The two argue: she complains he is obsessed with getting her into bed, he that she's obsessed with marriage. Both protest that they've changed, and they embrace again. Geoffrey insists that he's burned the Brigitte Bardot photograph in his bedroom, Beryl that she burnt her picture of Paul McCartney.

Geoffrey makes a further sexual advance. Beryl recoils again and they return to arguing. Eventually, Beryl promises to stop mentioning marriage if he in turn promises to desist from 'Percy filth'. Reluctantly, he agrees. He is delighted when she tells him that he is the last man she'd ever marry. When he tells her, in an attempt to reassure her, that he doesn't fancy her at all, she is crestfallen. They part; she suggests he gives her a ring - a telephone ring, not a wedding ring - tomorrow. Beryl goes to bed, where she talks to her photo of Paul McCartney, dreaming of Percy filth. Meanwhile, Geoffrey proposes marriage to his picture of Brigitte Bardot.