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It's Marty (1968-69)


Warning: screenonline full synopses contain 'spoilers' which give away key plot points. Don't read on if you don't want to know the ending!

A coach party travel to the seaside and back at breakneck speed.

A man visits the vet with a large basket containing a 'thing', which is off its food. A man emerges from the vet's office with another 'thing' in a basket and tells the first man the vet is unable to help them.

A stuntman crashes through his front door. He crosses the road by bounding on a passing car. He karate chops his way to the head of the bus queue and, when the bus arrives, sits on the roof. At his high-rise office, he tells his secretary that he is going for a coffee, before diving out of the window.

Song: 'No One's Perfect'. Marty conducts a male and female singing group.

England versus Paraguay. The Queen is presented to Gecko of Paraguay, who kisses her up the arm. He mimics Prince Phillip's walk and arm wrestles the Queen to the grass. The Referee books him. Gecko chases the Queen into the net, where he lunges at her. The commentator announces that highlights will be shown at the Erotic Cinema Club, Soho.

Toulouse Lautrec asks his female model if she minds if he paints her in the nude. She agrees. He then proceeds to disrobe.

A golfer tees off and his ball lands on a lorry, in a man's mouth, among a group of golf balls, a wedding group, and then a woman's bath. He putts it down the plughole and it lands on her driveway. He hits the ball onto a jet of water, the roof of a train and then into a tunnel. He is knocked over by a train. The ball is swallowed by a passing bird. He shoots the bird and the ball lands a few inches from the hole. He continuously misses the putt into the dead of the night.

A married couple in bed. The husband remembers he hasn't put the rubbish out. He drives his car across town to make love to another woman. He returns home and leaves again because he has forgotten to put the cat out. He drives to the seaside and meets another woman. Back home again, he hasn't made the cocoa, so he drives to the airport and flies to a tropical island for another assignation. He flies home and returns to his bed, too exhausted to make love to his wife.