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End of Part One (1979-80)


Warning: screenonline full synopses contain 'spoilers' which give away key plot points. Don't read on if you don't want to know the ending!

Edition originally transmitted on ITV, 20 May 1979

At the funeral of an 'Irish Television Comedian', the priest talks about forgiveness. The coffin is lowered, then, to thunder and lightning, goes into free-fall with fire and smoke coming out of the grave.

In a take on Dave Allen, Pope Clement at Large sits on a barstool and tells Irish jokes in semi-intelligible cod-Latin.

A bumbling newsreader misreads his auto-cue. As he checks his script it is revealed that his hair is only painted on the screen in front of him. In the spoof soap End of Part One, Norman and Vera Straightman are at home, going about their business. Norman checks the interstellar football pools results on TV but they are void as no life has evolved in other galaxies. Their oddly dressed neighbour walks in with a letter containing terrifying news: the call-up papers for Norman to appear on the South Bank Show, with instructions to visit Melvyn Bragg's nasal specialist. Vera goes to find some contemporary English literature for him.

Vera walks from their front room straight into a bookshop with empty shelves. Whatever book Vera asks for, the shop assistant produces the shop's only book.

The most entertaining moments from the Russell Harty Show: a pan across the studio audience.

That's Bernard Braden's Show Really includes an item on the woman who bought tights at a half-price sale and only got one-legged tights, so she sawed her leg off. Vox-pop about sawing your leg off. A letter from Mr Hitler is read out and the illustrated story is told of him politely trying to invade Poland.

At the 'nosetician's', Norman is given a test to check if his sinus is sufficiently blocked for the South Bank Show, before trying out some new noses. Back at home, Norman gets ready to leave for the South Bank Show. As Vera wishes they could buy their way out of it, a representative from the Littlehope Football Pools Company turns up. Life has now evolved in other galaxies, matches have been played and Norman has won - nothing. As Norman is leaving, Vera asks if nothing can stop this barbaric programme.

As the opening credits for the South Bank Show run, God drops an atomic bomb. Crowds cheer and a billboard announces 'South Bank Show Over! Bragg Surrenders'.

Party Political Broadcast on behalf of Nicholas Parsons: an empty chair behind a desk.

The above is interspersed with spoof continuity announcements.