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Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush (1967)


Warning: screenonline full synopses contain 'spoilers' which give away key plot points. Don't read on if you don't want to know the ending!

17-year-old Jamie is obsessed with girls, but so self-conscious that he does nothing about it. He is convinced that all of his friends are having a wonderful time - even his younger brother! His parents are no help - his mother always has her head stuck in a book and his father is too old-fashioned. He daydreams of being a Great Lover as he delivers groceries for the local supermarket on Saturdays.

His main fantasy concerns Mary, a beautiful blonde who seems quite out of his league, so, moving from fantasy to reality, he takes out Linda. Linda has a full figure but an empty mind, and Jamie abandons her when he sees Mary at the bus stop. His next amorous encounter is with Paula, a churchgoer who charms him into helping with the church social; he finds himself playing the King of the Fairies in the children's play. He is still not getting anywhere.

Having seen Mary go off with yet another man, in his car (Jamie only has bicycle), he joins some public school chums on an outing to a gambling club. He meets rich, spoilt Caroline, who offers to teach him golf. They get on well, even going shopping in the local boutique together. She invites Jamie to spend the weekend at her parents' luxurious home. He is shocked by their behaviour; Mr. Beauchamp pretends to be a wine connoisseur but is really an alcoholic, his wife is a snob, and Caroline's brother is a boor - the evening descends into a game of drunken musical beds, which includes the German au pair. Jamie fantasises that he and Caroline are naked and eating grapes, only to find that his mother has packed two pyjama tops and no trousers. Caroline passes out.

Caroline drops Jamie off at school on Monday morning and all his friends are green with envy, thinking him to have had a wild weekend. If only they knew the truth! Just when Jamie decides he has gone off the whole idea of sex, he is invited to another party, by Audrey. After fantasizing that he is James Bond, he finally loses his virginity with her, but when he discovers that Mary is also at the party, he leaves Audrey without a qualm and walks home with Mary. She tells him she has always fancied him, and they make a date for the following day.

Mary agrees to go away with Jamie for a weekend, to the coast. At first, all goes well - Jamie is in love and is sure that Mary feels the same. They spend their time making love and going skinny-dipping. But another of her old boyfriends turns up and invites them to go sailing. Jamie realises that he is not the only man in her life, and Mary admits that although she likes him and he is fun to be with, she needs to be free and to be with whoever she chooses. Jamie is shocked at such blatant promiscuity from the woman he had long considered to be his 'ideal'. He goes back to his studies, and wins a place at university, with his friend Spike. Mary fails the examinations, but Jamie is pleased when he learns that her pretty and demure friend Claire will be going to his university. He realises that he is attracted to her, even though he previously did not think she was his 'type'.